CHANGING THE WORLD—ONE CRADLE AT A TIME—PART III

By Debbie Kea

I so appreciate the encouraging comments I’ve received about Parts I and II and the push to get this next segment done. The following are further tips to help you in the raising of your children:

1. All children are precious. They come straight from God Himself. (Psalm 127:3-5)

2. Each child is unique, and each child has been given talents by God—all special but all different. Therefore, children should not be compared. I cringe every time I hear a parent say, “Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother?” This is just wrong. Do you want to be compared to anyone? Then practice the Golden Rule toward your children. Each child is different, each child has his/her own traits that you love, and each has his/her strengths and weaknesses. Commenting on Proverbs 22:6, the late brother Guy N. Woods wrote, “The Hebrew phrase from which the words ‘in the way he should go, means ‘according to the tenor of his way,’ that is in harmony with his disposition, his natural talents, and his individual character. Taught here is the obligation of parents to study the nature and disposition of their children and to train them accordingly…Instead of giving all the emphasis to a rigorous standard to be applied indiscriminately, each child’s temperament is to be closely considered and the teaching is to be done so as to achieve the greatest possible adaptation to the child’s need.” (Questions and Answers-Open Forum-FHC Lectures, p. 192).

3. Children will usually live up to what you expect. This means if you keep calling him/her a brat, don’t be surprised when they are one. Bottom line—no name calling. To me there are few things sadder than seeing a child belittled. (Eph 6:4; Col 3:18-22)

4. However, we do need to be honest with our kids. They need to know we love, no matter what, but we do not love bad behavior. I remember saying to my children, “I love you—I would lay down my life for you—but today I don’t like you—what you did was mean (or disrespectful, ugly or whatever). I’m disappointed in you.” Children want our approval. We need to give it whenever we can with positive feedback—often—but they also need to be clear on what is not acceptable. (Proverbs 19:18)

5. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Have I said this one before? Well, it needs repeating. Consistency is the foundation for good parenting. We all have seen the child who knows if he whines long enough, he will get what he wants. That is because his parent did not consistently discipline him. If I say, “If you don’t stop that, I will pop you,” and the child persists, at which time I do not pop him, that child has won and he knows it. You must, absolutely MUST, follow through. Not only do your kids need to be taught discipline, but your children need to know that they can depend on your word to be true. (Rev 3:19; Eph 6:4)

6. Fill your children’s minds with good things (Phil 4:8), their lives with good works, and their rooms with good books.

7. Teach them to say they are sorry. I have seen children do hateful things with the parent right there witnessing it, and the parent said nothing at all or said, “Oh he didn’t mean that,” with no punishment or correction to the child AT ALL. I have stood with my mouth hanging open in disbelief. I have wanted to scream, “Aren’t you going to do anything???” Sadly, some of these same children have grown up to be selfish, undisciplined adults. Teach your children to apologize; address their wrongs, even if you are embarrassed. You will be respected for taking responsibility. (Eph 4:32)

8. Under no circumstances should you ever let your child hit you or bite you without immediate consequences. I stand amazed at grown people who let their children slap and punch them. I’ve seen kids nearly pull their mother’s hair out without one word being said to them; instead the mother looks about in embarrassment. The embarrassment comes when you do not handle the bad behavior. (Proverbs 23:13-14)

9. Don’t ever say my child would never do that. That’s the very moment they will make a liar out of you.

10. When you are visiting at someone’s house, expect your child to sit by you and not move. Do not let them run through or ramble around in someone’s house. This is bad manners. ( Proverbs 20:11;I Cor 13:5) The same is true in a restaurant. Do not let your child get up from the table or booth and wander all over the restaurant disturbing the customers. If you are saying, “I can’t stop them,” then they have already won the war, and you should be ashamed. Get up from there and go get them. Warn them, and if they get up again, you go get them and wear out their bottom. If you are consistent with this, every single time, it won’t be long til they know Mama will get ahold of me so I better sit still. You are saying, “You don’t know my child.” Yes, trust me, I do. Some are hardheads. I know; I had two who were. But I won the war! Because I never quit—I was consistent—even when I was tired.

11. Speaking of manners, teach your child to have some in all situations. Yes ma’m, no sir, please, thank you, excuse me, may I leave the table, hello, it’s nice to meet you. You want people to love your kids and think of them as civilized, not wild animals. Manners are taught—this takes effort—every day—consistently. Again, you can’t be a lazy parent and be a good parent.

12. Don’t let go of your kids in public. Keep up with your children. They are your responsibility (I Cor 4:1-2) and in today’s society, it’s too dangerous to let go. I remember when my son, Clint, who was about six years old at the time, got lost in K-Mart one time. I was holding his hand but he wanted to go to his grandmother on the other side of the clothing rack. I let go, saying okay. When I came around the rack, he wasn’t with her. She had walked to another rack and he didn’t know where she was so he began to search for her down another aisle. Of course I began running up and down the aisles, looking frantically for him. In a couple minutes I heard a voice over the store intercom say, “Would Clint’s mother please come to the front of the store.” I ran to the front of the store and the cashier had Clint sitting up on the counter sucking on a lollipop. The girl said, “You taught him well. He came up to my cash register and said my mommy’s lost.” Actually, I wasn’t the one who had taught him to do that. He learned it at school. Not long before this, the son of John Walsh (from “America’s Most Wanted”) had been abducted and found dead in a canal not far from my home at the time in Hollywood, Florida. Adam Walsh had been taken from the mall where I shopped in fact. Law enforcement had gone into all the schools in the area teaching the children what to do when approached by strangers or if they were lost. I was thankful Clint had paid attention. Again, don’t let go of your kids in public.

13. Finally, love your children (Titus 2:4) and watch them—I mean look at them—all you can, because in three or four blinks they will be grown. As children, they are gone, and you will only have memories. As much trouble as they are when they are little, you will miss all the work, the games, the sicknesses, the struggles, and the popsicle smiles. Time truly does fly—whether you are having fun or not—so have fun all you can and appreciate every single moment!