CHANGING THE WORLD—ONE CRADLE AT A TIME—PART II
By Debbie Kea

We noted in part I that we must teach our children the vital things in life: the authority of God’s Word, the seriousness of sin, the priority of seeking the kingdom and righteousness, and the greatness of God, to name a few. We must remember that our children have a right to grow. Peter says, “as newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (I Peter 2:2). I Corinthians 3:2 refers to the milk and the meat. God recognizes that we grow physically, mentally, and spiritually (Luke 2:52). When we teach our children, we must not expect more than they are developmentally able to do or understand. I know a young mother who had her three year old doing dishes, and then wondered why she kept dropping and breaking them! Most of us think it is common sense to recognize levels of development in children, but quite often I have encountered parents who did not have realistic expectations, either too much or too little, of their kids. I remember one parent who got very upset at a first grade teacher who expected their child to do three things in a row—hang up your coat, put your book bag in the cubby, and sit down. The parent thought this was too much to require of her child to remember when actually this child had a learning disability that the parent wouldn’t accept. If you as a parent have questions about a developmental timeline, purchase a book for help. As for spiritual growth, here are some methods I suggest:

1. First and foremost, never forget that you are the example they see every day. Your children will do what you do. Research says 95% of all teenagers grow up to follow what they have been taught concerning family values. Your kids will say what you say, go where you go, and mostly think what you think. You will have an influence. You are the letter they read (2 Cor 3:1-3), and the leaven of their world (Matt 13:44). As a Christian parent, you are their first and best teacher.

2. Worship with your child. This is so basic and yet a necessity that is being ignored in many places. It is your job to teach your child the joy of worshipping your God. It is not for the “children’s church” or the government or the school to do. It is up to you to teach your child how to sit quietly in the pew, how to sing, how to bow their head for prayer, how to listen, how to think about Jesus’ death, and how to give. I stand amazed at parents around me who do not put a songbook in their child’s hand and point at the words. They don’t tell them to bow and pray, and they don’t tell them it is God’s word being preached so we must listen. They are not guiding them into proper worship actions and then they wonder why their kids are so much trouble in worship, playing in the pews, eating, talking out loud, and finally losing interest and leaving the church when they are old enough. We must worship regularly and properly and teach our children to do so (Heb 10:24ff).

3. Do good deeds with your child. I always think of the story of the hunter who had a new litter of hunting puppies. Every day he would walk by the dog pen and say, “Hunt, dog, hunt.” Every day, “hunt, dog, hunt.” But when the pups got big enough and he took them out to hunt, they had no idea what to do—they ran wild! We recognize that the hunter failed to train his dogs. Parents are often guilty of the same thing. We simply talk about doing good and we don’t train our children to do good. Are you taking your kids with you to the hospital when you go to visit someone? Do you give them money to give to the Lord and teach them to help those who have no one to help them? Do you take them with you to do door knocking? Do you show them how to write get well cards? My children still talk about how we would make baskets filled with goodies for all the shut-ins in the congregation. We must live out the Lord’s will in compassionate deeds. If you are saying to yourself, I haven’t been doing any of these things, then repent now! And plan good works for you and your children to engage in together.

4. Set rules and chores in your home. Children need boundaries and limits. They also need work to do; this gives them purpose and teaches them a work ethic for their future. A four-year old can pick up their toys. Every home needs basic rules that are followed. At my house my children helped with laundry, meals, and room cleanup. As far as rules, back talk wasn’t tolerated and respect was the rule. (Eph 6:1) Dad was the head of the house and Mother was his queen. Children must see you both as a united front. They will feel secure and know they can depend on you. They also will know they can’t play you against each other.

5. Provide not just a home but a haven. You must provide safety for your children. You must keep your promises. You must give attention and show concern. Parents have to say no so much; this should make us seek to show love even more often. Forgiveness should be given easily. Physical needs must be met and time must be spent—and plenty of it. There is no such thing as quality time vs. not quality time—it’s all quality time when you are with a child! It is just as important to be there when they brush their teeth as it is to go to some special outing to the zoo.

6. Eat together. One of the big problems today is families don’t eat together. It sounds so simple, too simple, but it is essential. Excuses are given about schedules and jobs, but my family ate together at least once every day even though my kids were in basketball, band and chorus. We do what we really want to. If your family is important, then you will eat together as often as possible, because it is there, around the table, that you will learn about each other and talk about the vital things in life. Not only should you eat together as a family, you should eat with brethren. How often do you have brethren in your home for a meal? New members? Weak members? The elders/deacons? Widows? Brethren with children they can get to know? The visiting preacher? How will you teach your children to love the brotherhood fervently if you are not forging relationships with God’s family? (I Peter 4:8).

7. Make family time in general. Our family loved watching videos together and eating popcorn or playing Monopoly or Scrabble or Rook or any number of other games. My husband picked a night of the week and that was our night. If someone wanted a Bible study that night, he would say “I already have an appointment that night.” They didn’t know the appointment was with his own family. But that’s what he did to make sure his family wasn’t neglected. He had seen too many preachers out saving the world while losing their own children.

8. Know your children’s friends. Have them to the house for a popcorn and video party. Have the youth group over regularly. You must know who your kids are hanging out with.

9. Do Bible homework with your children. You believe their schoolwork is important, don’t you? How much more important is Bible homework? As a Bible class teacher, I am always surprised at parents who never encourage their kids to learn their memory verse or even ask what their weekly lesson was about.

10. When it comes to discipline, punishment should fit the crime. Kindness should be a constant in our homes, but children will challenge you and we need to be prepared to deal with rebellion. Disobedience should always have consequences. God’s first rule was the rule of obedience and we should carry that out in our homes so that we pattern God’s will to our families. A Christian brother of mine said his son was working in the garden with him when he suddenly quit hoeing and said, “I’m sick of this; I’m not doing it anymore.” My friend said, “Fine.” His son left the garden, surprised at his father’s answer. But that night when the son came to the dinner table there was no plate for him. When he asked about it, his father said, “The Bible says if a man will not work, neither should he eat. You won’t eat tonight because you did not work today.” The boy went to bed without dinner, but the next day he was in the garden!

More help in Part III…

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